Monday, October 13, 2008

peaks and lemonade

I have been at a loss for words the past couple of months not because of writer's block, but because I have been dealing with some heavy duty life stuff. Family and friends read this blog so I have been conflicted with what I am willing to disclose and what people want to read. What I have come to terms with is this blog is my little corner of cyber space and I should use it as I desire. It is my online journal of my experience as a woman and mother.

Life is not all sunshine and lemonade. I have always said that life is made up of peaks and valleys -- big and small and very inconsistent throughout life. The real challenge is how you get yourself out of the valleys and how you spend your time improving your life during the peaks. The past couple of months I have been in the deepest valley of my life. I am not going to detail why since wallowing in it is not all that productive. What I am doing to climb out of it has been my biggest challenge thus far.

I have made the choice to be a single parent.

Everyone has flaws. In marriage you are supposed to compliment each other to adapt to each other's flaws turning them into a strength. Which is why you would consider a marriage "perfect." In some cases just the opposite happens. You other actually make each other's flaws more exaggerated causing the marriage to fail. The later is what has happened in my marriage. Sure, years of therapy might make a difference, but only if both people want to accept their flaws and work on them. What could also happen is that you each work on your flaws and find that you are no longer right for each other. There is no right or wrong scenario. Everyone and every marriage is different.

What I know is that I am discovering my flaws and how they affects my life and relationships. I am focusing on me and my daughter. I am making strides to improve my situation. I am being honest with myself. I am working on having higher peaks and less valleys. I am turning my lemons into lemonade one squeeze at a time.



  1. I commend you on your courage.

    Your daughter will one day understand what strength it took for her mommy to take the road less traveled for a better life for you both.

    You are on your way. You are on your way.

  2. I wish you much clarity, strength, and happiness.

  3. It is a hard road but often the better road in the long run. I wish you peace and happiness. You are not defined by your marriage but how you navigate the stormy waters of life. You are a fine sailor :) hang in there .. the seas will calm.

  4. Of amazing coincidence, I used to keep a blog called My Lotus Life. It is all about the struggles I faced as I went through the process of separating from my husband and I stopped publishing now we are on our way through the last steps of divorce. It's a very hard, personal thing to deal with and I want to say I empathize with you whole heartedly. You will make it through. Single Mom life is tough but not impossible. My 6 year old and I persevere. You and your daughter will too. Thank you for sharing what is in your heart. It helps me to read your experience and comforts me by making me not feel so alone.

  5. I love you. You know... all of it.

  6. I'm proud of you, more and more everyday.

  7. Way to go, Nicole! The best measure for me that shows you're going in the right direction is the difference in your energy, color, and life in your photos over the last few months. Over the summer you posted some personal photos that were ... dark. Since you've begun your journey over the last couple of months, the joy that is exploding out of your pictures is beautiful to see!

  8. Wishing you strength and sending you love. Hugs from all of us.

  9. know that we are thinking of you and sending you our strength & courage during this difficult time. You will be the better person as a result and your daughter will applaud you and your efforts one day. Delaney truly has an amazing mom.

    Your cheer team back East