Friday, January 9, 2009

Putting the Claws Away

What is it about women? We are so incredibly loyal, loving and compassionate ... but, on the flip side we can turn on each other so quickly judging, accusing, breaking hearts. When we aren't at each others throats we are making the world a better place. We give life. We nurture. We love unconditionally. But, when one of us stomps on another the claws come out, we start to hiss, the hair stands on ends and the fight begins.

I have been victim, participant and witness in such acts this past week. Do I feel a better today than I did yesterday. Yes. I removed unacceptable behavior that was directed at me unprovoked. No. I lost a reader due to support I asked for. Sort of. I had hoped my opinions would open some eyes, but they didn't.

So, where does leave me?

As a woman I will always maintain the qualities I mentioned above. But, as a woman I can also think before I act. Thinking is a quality of women that men seem to get most irritated about. How about thinking before acting? How about thinking about all sides of the story before we side with one blindly? How about keeping opinions to ourselves if we know they will simply hurt the situation instead of improve it?

My resolution is to not judge, not accuse, not break hearts. I will remove my unacceptable behavior. I will put my claws away.


UPDATE: I have a book of daily readings used for the support group I attend. I there are times when the passage for the day speaks perfectly to what I am experiencing at the moment. I write my posts the day (sometimes a week) before as is the case with this particular post. So this morning I was really surprised to find that the reading for today pertains my post for today:
If I can learn to evaluate my own actions and behavior and to value my own judgment, then the approval of others will be enjoyable, but no longer essential to my serenity.

Just for today I will appreciate myself. I will not look to others for approval; I will provide it for myself. I'll allow myself to recognize that I am doing the best I can. Today my best is good enough.

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart."
~ Carl Jung

Blogging (and social networking) walks the fine line of putting yourself out there to give you the freedom to express yourself and share your experiences while allowing yourself to be judged by others. I have always welcomed praise and positive, constructive advice. I like friendly debates to help educate each other to promote forward thinking. What I do not welcome is when people feel the need to insult or put each other down simply because their beliefs and passions are different. To each their own. As women we have the strength and courage to make this change.

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  1. I think that you've handled this entire situation with grace, as only you know how. It's hard to be the bigger person but you've done it here.

    Great shot too!

  2. Ahhh, I love this subject. I founded a women's organization my freshman year of college based on these very thoughts. We work towards emotional and psychological wellness as well as uniting and overcoming adversities.

    The first two books we read in our book club were Odd Girl Out and Tripping The Prom Queen. They are a must read for all women. It really gets into this very subject and makes us rethink how we are towards other women and why we are that way. So, I recommend reading them. I'd suggest reading Odd Girl Out first, because it was one of the first books to tackle this topic, and then Tripping The Prom Queen.

  3. You can only clean up your side of the street, and it sounds like that's what you are doing. I am completely out of the loop, but I admire you for doing your part. It shows strength, and that's very cool.

  4. I agree with Miss, you were graceful and courteous. If others choose not to be, well, they are simply asking for their own claws to scratch themselves.

    And now, I have to add 'tripping the prom queen' to my list of must-reads.


  5. I wrote my masters thesis on this very topic! I read Odd Girl Out for my research along with a bunch of other amazing books. My long term career goal is to implement programs in K-12 to diminish acts of what are called "Relational Aggression." My thesis created a psychodrama counseling group that allows girls to replace unhealthy behaviors with healthier reactions/behaviors and they practice them within the group. Let me know if you ever want to read!! :-) Teeny

  6. I don't know what happened, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're evidently rising above it with a voice of grace, eloquence & strength.

    I printed & glued those Jungian quotes into my calendar for the week. Thank you, RLM.

  7. It's too bad that you lost a reader b/c of what you wrote (or someone else--not sure what happened) but if everybody loved you, then either they aren't sincere or you are doing something wrong. You just can't please everybody all of the time. It's probably better that reader left than hung around and caused trouble. I would much rather have the supportive people hanging around my blog (as I do) then have more and have some of them be negative. I found you on Mombabe's blog!

  8. Blah Blah Blah

  9. What was that tasteless and insulting comment from Anonymous again! This person obviously has some bitterness toward RLM. Anonymous, why do you waste your energy to read a blog that brings out the ugliness in you?

  10. P.S. I seem to recall from previous comments that Anonymous hinted being a Christian....if you are Anonymous, SHAME ON YOU!

  11. Why would you think everyone who posts under 'anonymous'is the same person? It's probably a few different people. I would guess RLM gets considerable traffic.

  12. @anonymous: I'm thinking you must be rather new to this blogging schtick. Because if you weren't, then you'd know that:

    a) everytime you leave a comment, a footprint is left in the form of an IP address, which is logged both in her blog's database AND statistics' databases. This is an unique fingerprint, that tells RLM if it's the same person leaving nasty comments.

    b) along with an IP, most times a city or township, length of visit and entry point (where the troll came from) are also saved within those aforementioned dbases) and

    c) RLM does not have a lot of trolls hanging around - nor does she have any reason to, being a genuinely authentic, sweet person.

    Now, noting these facts above, Anonymous might want to consider that repetitive abuses by a troll can be used to file harassment charges - since the troll is traceable, of course. But we both know, Anonymous, that she wouldn't do that. She has far more grace than you do, to keep commenting like this.

    I dare you to visit a blogger who feels like playing with trolls.

  13. Why bother posting anon? RLM knows who it is. But you just cant help yourself can you TROLL? You just have to be a BITCH and be rude. Now RLM may be above resorting to acknowledging you, but I'm not. I dont have as much class as she does. If, for whatever stupid reason, you dont like RLM, stay the HELL OFF HER BLOG. She does NOT need idiotic comments like yours stinking up her comments section. And as much of a bitch as I am, I dont exactly like having to come here and tell you what an ass you are coming across as.

    As far as this "second anon" person, if you arent the same as the first person, why even go anon? I cant think of a logical explanation other than you trying to throw someone off.

    I feel really sorry for you anon. Wanna know why? because obviously, you have serious issues and are very unhappy with yourself. RLM has done nothing but rise above every shitty thing she has had to face and I think that makes you bitter and jealous anon. You know how strong she is, how cared for she is, and what a good person she is, and that just pisses you off. Well, guess what. You will forever come across successful happy people in life, just like RLM, and if you dont let go of your fucking issues, you will live a miserable life. So good luck with all that ok?

    (Again, sorry mom and dad for my potty mouth and bad grammar. I've had a couple of beers. You know. xoxo to all of you)

  14. I am impressed the way readers have come to your "defense" RLM. This speaks volumes of how your writing have touched a chord with them, and what they think of you as a person. Yes, sarcastic comments are needless. Comments whether positive or negative should be constructive.