Monday, September 28, 2009

Ladybugs. Lots and lots of ladybugs.

"Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me."

~ Katherine from Under the Tuscan Sun

I have always loved the analogy of the ladybugs in Under the Tuscan Sun. The thought of laying in an open field under the warm sun lying so still that ladybugs actually land on me.

There is so much meaning behind it.

I am mom to a dramatic 4 year old. I work full time. I am going through a divorce. I am trying to get financially back to ground zero. Finding the time to relax like that doesn't exist.

Ladybugs have always symbolized good luck. I have never thought myself as "lucky". Every once in a while I might win a giveaway on a blog, win a a couple of dollars from a scratcher, or stay just ahead of the pack. Luck doesn't just come to me. I have to work at my fortune.

Since my separation last year I have worked so hard at making my life right again. Not always making the most graceful decisions, but always thinking of what would be best for my daughter's future. I have tried to invite happiness into my life because a happy mommy = a happy kid. I work hard to balance my time, but have learned that no combination is perfect.

The other day I was helping Princess D into the car when she spotted something under her toy basket. It was a perfectly red spotted ladybug. It was still alive, but didn't fly away. She was so enchanted with it. We brought it home and put it in a rose.


What I have found in the process is the things I least expect that happen are the things that have made my life fuller. I am still under more stress than I have ever experienced in my thirtysomething years, but I can see that good things are coming to me!