Tuesday, December 23, 2008

My Life

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens. ~Carl Jung

Growing up my parents called me a social butterfly. I made friends where ever I went. I loved going to parties, hanging out with friends, working at the mall just to be around the hustle and bustle. I was a cheerleader in high school, joined a sorority in college and loved the social life of San Francisco in my 20s.

Then I discovered yoga. Being able to quiet my mind and simply sitting with myself provided me a release I had never known. As life progressed I became more comfortable being less social. I love hanging out in my home with my laptop and a non-fat caramel latte. I enjoy a quiet dinner with friends sharing an excellent bottle of wine. I could spend every relaxing day on an almost empty beach with my kid and a camera.

I work full time. I blog, tweet, plurk, take lots of photos ... basically a second full time job. I took care of our finances, keeping our house cleaned, washed all of our laundry, and cared for the Princess. I average about 6 hours of sleep a night. So, being home on a weekend night is a luxury for me.

My X was and still is a social butterfly. He is the life of the party, the lead singer of a band, is everyone's best friend. Staying home on a weekend night is a drag for him. He thrives on adrenaline.

So, the argument became that he has a "life" and I don't. This made me angry. Really angry. Do I not have a "life"?

My "life" tugs at my pant leg when she wants something, hugs me tight when she is thankful for something simple I have done for her, smiles when she see me walk through the door, snuggles with me before falling asleep.

My "life" is my words and photos.

My "life" is laughing with my girlfriends over a delicious dinner, meeting a person who inspires me to enrich my life, family gatherings.

My "life" is taking care of my body through yoga, good food, vitamins, spa treatments.

I am happiest when my "life" is not clouded with unproductive drama or useless chaos. My "life" thrives when it feels stable and secure. This coming year I will take care of my heart so that I don't have to dream of a better "life." I will live it.

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  1. It seems to me that everyone's version of having a 'life' it quite different. Age, family, spouses - all of these factors change the definition, right? Unfortunately, sometimes, some people's view doesn't change as their surrounding dynamics do, as in the case of my ex. And for me? It makes me bitter. Cuz I am not nearly as mature as some people I know! xo

  2. That girl up there hit it on the head. As we get older, we find more and more that keeps us grounded. For me, its my son, weekends away with people I love, my music, my writing, and just being able to talk with the people that touch my life.

  3. You know I have also reflected on this a lot in the last few days. I used to be a big party go-er. Now I do stay home more and take care of my son, and my body such as you. My hubby has always been a homebody. But I re-discovered dance in addition to my yoga. I have found people who still like to have a party on occasion, which I attend. But the dancing and the beauty no longer involve the drugs and other drama I went through at one time. Its beautiful.

  4. I truly.. TRULY wish I knew how to quiet my voice. I tried Yoga because I needed something, ANYTHING to quiet the noise in my head.. and it never worked..I envy you..

    Here is to a wonderful New Year to you and your little girl.. xoxox

  5. They say life is what you make it and you have made a beautiful life for yourself. To find that peace, to live each day appreciating the blessings you do have, to see how your 'life' will continue on in the eyes and actions of your daughter - THAT is living. You are doing GREAT!

  6. You are your father's daughter. I always fret that your Dad is content having me, you and D as his "life". I finally realized how lucky I am that he/we don't need the outside elements to make us complete. He makes life uncomplicated, and gives the quiet to hear only the voices of those you love and love you in return.

  7. I really love this post...