Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Letter to My Heart

Dear Heart,

It is time that we have a serious talk because you are on the precipice of something bigger than I have ever experienced.

You have led me blindly into situations that have left battle wounds -- some are unrepairable, some have changed how you beat, some still fresh. Last year was not easy on you. Dreams became impossible to attain. Stress started to take its toll causing you to forget what it was like to beat for another. Sadness took over causing you to become closed off.

I have spent the past 6 months ignoring you and working on my head ... who am I, what happened, what can I do to get back to a place where I would be happy again. To awaken you would cause me too much pain remembering dreams that were no longer possible and that I no longer wanted. To leave you alone and dormant for the rest of my life didn't seem impossible ... just lonely.

Over the past month I have realized that I had wasted so much time searching for who I thought you needed -- the bad boy, the guy next door, the actor, the jock, the rock star -- when what you really need is a gentleman. A man who can provide us unconditional and reciprocal love, a balanced partnership, and (above all others) stability. A heart can only be healthy when it beats in a steady rhythm.

I have always been too shy to allow you to let your passion take over me. But I want to feel my body melt, my legs go weak and you skip a beat with a single kiss.

I want you to feel overwhelmed when you read words he has written just for you.

I want you to flutter at the sound of his voice waking us up with a whisper of "I love you" in my ear.

So, my long lost friend, I will make sure the next man who I allow to hold you will be a gentleman who will respect us, spoil us, love us, talk to us, cry with us, laugh with us, worry with us, understand us and simply LIVE every moment of every day with us.

~ RLM

heart in the sand on the beach


P.S. Thank you to tayzerrr for letting me use your gorgeous photo!


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18 comments:

  1. I love the part where you say what you need is a gentleman. Because it is SO true. You deserve a man who respects you for you and who isn't selfish. We both do.

    xo

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  2. Yes, to the point, but oh, so very honest. You deserve that, and more. Mostly, you deserve to experience rollercoaster rides that aren't about the dips causing heart ache and the highs seeming false - you, love, merit highs and highers.

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  3. You know what, I am very insulted with this post! if only you could've been this communicative in our relationship this might not be happening! Remember, a relationship is a TWO WAY STREET! You choose to not let me in and now everytime you come up with some creative writing, it seems like your taking a full on pot shot at me! In fact, that's exactly what your doing! DREAM? Ive always encouraged you to do what makes you happy and I ALWAYS supported you in your decisions! Even when you bought a car behind my back with your daddy as a co-signer two days after x-mas and work was slow! To tell you the truth Im getting kinda fed up with the whole 'please feel sorry for me' aspect you seem to be going after! I respect your rights to have a forum to post your blog stuff but what I can't do is sit by and have you keep doing this to me. This doesn't affect just me but it affects OUR daughter! You didn't like it when some people gave you negative feed back on your post, so it just appears that you only want to hear support when it works in your favor or when you can spin situations to seem like things just aren't going your way. Please stop this! I dont think I could ask any nicer. These people that respond dont know the entire truth, but know one side. They dont see the manipulative side of some your family members and they don't know the pain the other half goes through every single day of why you NEVER said anything about any problems! This is not rude, tasteless, insulting or close minded. Its just the other side of the story you refuse to include in your ongoing mental beat down of me! Remember, its a two way street! Share your stories with your friends, but PLEASE stop with the whole, 'poor me, feel sorry for me' thing. WHAT ABOUT ME! I left the house! I still helped with your extremely high car payments and I paid for alot other things with MY income! Im sorry you fail to remember these things but please have your family stop filling your head with ideas and make believe solutions that just aren't true! AND PLEASE, start dreaming in color again! Thats what I really want! So, I guess I can't really sign this anonymous can I?

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  4. Hi RLM,

    I think it is great that you can talk to your heart and you know what it is you need to focus on in order to make you both happy in your life.

    I agree with Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas - you, him and your heart are very lucky to find such happiness.

    However, to the rather rude "Anonymous" ex, if you do not like the posts then why are you still reading them?! Here is a suggestion - stop reading them. There is not one blog have I read that is offensive towards you or against HER daughter. Its a free world so you are welcome to your opinions, as am I, and I would hope that anyone decent would respect HER views on HER blog. RLM says she needs a gentleman and I can see why because you are no gentleman acting like that.

    Continuing from your comment, you said you paid some towards a car. Did you pay for the mortgage? phone bills? energy bills? Do you pay childcare now??? I have a many more bills than just a car payment and I am sure that everyone else has too. It seems like you are trying to make the people who read this blog feel sorry for you and I for one, feel embarressed for you rather than sorry for you.

    RLM - Don't ever stop writing, don't hold back with what you put on your own blog - everyone who matters to you, cares about you and loves reading these!

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  5. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that anonymous ex who writes a seething comment on this post is not the gentleman you need. Whose ever fault it is...the marriage is obviously over. Anonymous Ex, stop being ugly and blaming others. Get over it, stop stalking RLM and move on. For your daughter's sake be civil and only think of her welfare.

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  6. Anonymous Ex...I am very embarrassed for you. You just told the other side of the story (YOURS)!

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  7. The most amusing part of all of this is that I know for a fact, RLM knows for a fact, and the rest of her readers know for a FACT that she has been nothing but cordial about her ex. Do you want to know why X?

    Because you married a LADY.

    Every single time you are mentioned on this blog directly, she is not bashing you in any way. Thing is, SHE DID NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT YOU IN THIS POST! Yet you come here, you try to ruin her beautiful words with your spitefulness. You come to this blog, you read her entries, and you take bits and pieces from them to fit the sad story you write in your head for yourself. You are the only one playing the worlds smallest violin for yourself X. Believe it or not, NO ONE HERE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY. We care for RLM, not for the heartache she has to go through because of you. We care for her words, for her daughter, and we are NOT here to read about what a jerk she makes you out to be, because she doesn't on her blog. However you've gone ahead and done that for yourself.

    We are not here to read about who paid for what bills, or how those bills went unpaid and cars mysteriously got repo'd. Oh wait. That part doesn't fit into "your side" of the story does it? Move on X. It kills you that she has, I know, but its time to stop punishing her and your daughter and move on. Be a good father (I've seen you do it, firsthand) and focus on raising her to be as strong as her mother.

    Oh and? So, so, so, SO time to get over the mommy/daddy issues you have with her parents. They are wonderfully kind people. Leave them out of this. They are protecting their daughter as much as you want to protect yours. Your comment here REEKS of bitterness towards them. It's tacky. So is coming here and dropping personal details of things that happened between the two of you. You should feel embaressed.

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  8. For Anonymous Ex....and the Bible said it is the duty of a man to provide for his family. Have you? Are you so bitter because you have lost your "cash cow"?

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  9. I hope you find that gentleman - that gentle man. There is little in the world that is more fulfilling, on every level, than mutual love and respect. I hope you find yours. I hope yours finds you.

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  10. BTW, sorry I was side tracked after reading the comments. Today's blog is so tender and touching. I hope you find your gentleman soon. Your daughter needs a mother who is mentally and emotionally happy.

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  11. Wow. Such a sweet post. Loved it.

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  12. RLM, what a terrific post. I am so glad that you are finding a way through, finding your happiness. This post speaks to me more than you know. Around a year and a half ago my 11 year relationship ended. I thought I'd never be okay but after mourning for way too long I started the journey to finding my happiness. In fact, I'm a whole lot better than I ever was. Weird that it took something so devastating to build what I am today. Now I'm happier than ever. Now I'm even blessed to be starting a NEW relationship with a terrific woman. She makes me feel all that you are writing about. She has found the cracks in my armor and found her way to MY heart. I am incredibly lucky as I'm pretty positive she feels it too. Every day just keeps getting better and better. Thank you for sharing. (Hope I didn't over share.)

    Anonymous, man I know how you feel. I don't know the particulars of this situation but nonetheless, I've been there. I gotta tell you though, this post wasn't about you so don't take offense to it. It's about RLM and how she is feeling and it's beautiful. Trust me, you'll get to where she is at some point. TTT (Things Take Time) my friend. Sounds trite but it's true. Take time and step away from things like reading this blog. You're just driving yourself crazy. Concentrate on yourself and trying new things. Concentrate on your daughter. Try to avoid drama, causing it and getting involved in it. Find some peace and then find your happiness in you. You'll be a better father, a better person and you'll have a much better life.

    Everyone, ease up a little. They're both in pain and trying to find their way out of it.

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  13. You put into words, exactly how I've been feeling for the last month or so.

    It was beautiful. Thank you for speaking your words from what seems like, my heart!

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  14. Holy fucking shit. Hot dayum.

    You deserve a Gentleman that treats you like a Queen. Seriously.

    ((((HUGS))))

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  15. ((big hugs)) what a beautifully written post! Very very nice.

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  16. ((big hugs)) what a beautifully written post! Very very nice.

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