Somewhere along the way I stumbled. My greatest personality traits became my biggest faults. I could no longer look in the mirror and be happy with what I saw. Visualizing my future as anything but a constant struggle prevented me from having happy dreams. I cared so much for others I forgot to care about myself.
How did I get like this?
In January I attended a company conference. It was my first time in a long time that I was completely out of my daily grind. I was on the other side of the country sans Princess D in a gorgeous hotel room all to myself. Instead of Disney/Dora language I talked in internet geek/project management language. I drank a good amount of wine knowing I didn't have a little kid waking me up in the middle of the night, but not too much that I couldn't make it to the next morning work session. I smiled, laughed and danced ... a lot! I was relaxed and happy. Apparently is shined through!
Once I got home after a whirlwind 4 days of conferencing I started to fall back into the same person I had left behind. I started to fade into the background. I started to shy away from the mirror. I struggled making decisions that would only benefit myself.
Why was I letting myself go backwards?
Since the conference a friend has been challenging me more and more to see myself as perfectly beautiful inside and out. My therapist is helping me rebuild my strength and confidence. And, I need to trust that I am a phenomenal woman and learn to let that woman who was at the conference shine through during my daily grind. I need to be teaching Princess D to have a good self esteem by having one myself.
