I love to check out new sights and try new things whenever I am in England. There is so much history here that you can discover something around almost every corner - ruins dating back to the Roman times, a graveyard where a famous author is buried, a statue representing a child's nursery rhyme, or a 16th century castle. I could never get sick of this country.
This is my 5th visit (including a 2.5 month stay) and since The Boyfriend and his son lives here I am beginning to feel like England is my second home. It is so rare that all four of us are together that we try to maximize the most of our time doing really creative activities to entertain and educate the kids while sightseeing. But, today we woke up to a very grey and rainy morning in Essex, so we decided to spend the day doing "normal" family type things.
First on the list was going to Tescos to pick up some things like water, toothbrushes and reusable bags. Then we took the kids to an indoor play area so they could run around. After a little over an hour of climbing, running and jumping they were hungry so we headed to McDonald's for lunch. There is nothing better to do on a rainy day than to see a movie. We grabbed some candy and headed to "the cinema" to see HOP. After the movie we did a little shopping at The Disney Store. The day ended with take out Chinese food at The Boyfriend's parents' house.
Even with the cold, damp weather; the frustration of the kids bickering at times; and my PMS today has been lovely because it was REAL LIFE. Something I wish was more often than a just few days a year.
The captions next to my name in my school year book were: "The next Laker Girl" and "The next In Living Color Fly Girl". Huge compliments since I aspired to be either at the time! If you don't know, the Laker Girls and Fly Girls produced two well known divas:
Paula Abdul
Jennifer Lopez
So what the heck happened to me? I could hardly classify myself as a diva and even calling me a dancer is questionable now.
One of the last hip hop dance classes* I was at our instructor, DLuckie, choreographed a routine for us that was all about attitude. I was able to pick up the choreography easily, but when I watched myself in the mirror I looked totally wrong. Something was missing ... it was the "diva-ness". When I danced in school it more about hard core street attitude, not so much about "diva-tude," so I don't think I ever developed that skill.
So how does a thirtysomething mom channel the attitude and confidence of a diva? This is my next big challenge! I watch my 5 year old daughter who has more diva-sass in the rolling of her eyes than I do in the flip of my hair. When I told her she couldn't smile in her passport photo she asked if she could pose with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face. Diva! Guess I should start taking lessons from her before my next hip hop dance class ...
*This was not last night's class. This was class 4 weeks ago. I missed a week due to the flu. Then missed the next one because my flu turned into a double ear and sinus infection. Then missed again because of a company meeting that ran really late. Guess you can't call me a real time blogger either!
At the beginning of a yoga class you always set your intention of what you want to get out of it. Improve your focus. Work on stretching your hips. Strengthen your arms. Reduce stress. Whatever your intention is it allows you to focus on you and not compete against the other people in the class. Yoga is personal and what you put into it is what you will get out of it. This is one of the things I love most about yoga.
Last night at hip hop class our instructor, DLucky, turned to us midway through and told us to set our intention. Intentions for a hip hop class? Why not! The first thought I had was to not pass out half way through the push ups section. Then I realized there were so many intentions I could set ... lose the pounds I have been wanting to get rid of, flatten out the almost 6 year old baby belly, create those slender and defined arms, perfect my booty pop. The list could go on and on ...
Earlier in the day I was thinking of any excuse I could to get out of the hip hop class. I was really not looking forward to how hard the push ups would be or how sore I would feel the next day. I took a nap in the afternoon and woke up really excited about dancing up a serious sweat for an hour with a fabulous group of ladies (Theresa, Mary and Beth). I realized that one hour in the dance room was my time -- something I very rarely get -- and I wasn't about to give it up.
By the end of class last night my arms and legs felt like they had been tenderized. I knew that today getting out of bed would be hard and the simplest motion like putting on my bra would be agonizing. But, I had a HUGE smile on my face and was ready for next weeks class. My intention to live in the moment and enjoy that time away from my daily responsibilities allowed me to work on that long list of intentions I could have made.
Between the ages of 3-12 I took ballet, tap and jazz. When I entered high school I switched to hip hop and became captain of the dance team. I finished out high school as captain of the cheer team. I took a couple of jazz and ballroom dancing classes while in university. Since then nothing.
I love to dance! So, when Teresa mentioned taking a Hip Hop class at Carlsbad Performing Arts Academy you know I eagerly said "Count me in!" There was one thing I didn't think about when I signed up ... I am totally out of shape and old!
When I danced hip hop the moves were stuff like the Cabbage Patch, the Roger Rabbit, the Running Man, etc. We didn't have the booty or chest pop. Tonight when I stepped into that dance room what ever skillz I brought meant nothing. I was a blank slate and had to dust off my rhythm that had been sitting on the highest shelf for a while.
Theresa, Mary, Christina and I called in the baby sitters and joined a few teenager girls for a one hour hip hop dance lesson. We slided and glided, we popped and isolated, we stretched and bounced, and we giggled A LOT! But, when our instructor started teaching us a short routine to a JT song and it was ON! What ever ounce of energy we had left in us was sparked and we gave it our all to the very end.
When the hour was up we were dripping in sweat and our legs felt like jello. Hip Hop is an incredible workout. I will probably be sore for days. It was worth it and I will going back again next week for more!
It has been over a week since I have written a post and there are only two words to explain why ...
THE VEGAS
Yup. I have been suffering from my own version of The Hangover. Minus the tiger, the naked Asian man, someone getting married to a stripper, stealing a cop car, and losing a member of our group. Ok, so my version is much more PG-13 rated, but it was a really fun girls weekend with lots of memories (and some which are very fuzzy)!
Last weekend I met up with 7 (out of 9) of my closest girl friends from university for a weekend in Sin City. We all flew in from different places in the US to live the high roller life sans kids & significant others for a few days.
By bunking up we were able to splurged on a hotel suite that had the best view and marshmallow like beds! We ate incredible dinners out -- Holsteins at The Cosmopolitan and Union at Aria -- that didn't require us to do any cooking or cleaning up. Saturday we got pampered at the spa with massages, lying in hot tile beds, reclining in a salt room, and soaking in the hot tubs. Honestly, the best part of being there was just having cocktails with the girls I have been friends with for almost 18 years.
We have seen so much change in each other's lives. From leaving our parents' "nests" for the first time, turning 21, graduating, our first jobs, weddings, creating our own "nests", kids, a couple of divorces, death of parents, a few more kids ... but always ready to have a good laugh, always there to listen, always there to support. We know each other's strength and weaknesses ... and we love each other for them. It is a rare thing to find such a large group of girls that have this kind of pure friendship.
The highlight of the weekend was Saturday night at HAZE at the Aria.
When we were younger we wouldn't mind being on the dance floor with the masses or elbowing our way up to the bar. Now we don't have the patience or energy, so we got ourselves a table with bottle service! It is the best way to go to a club like HAZE. You can hide away your purse in the drawers under the sofa, you have a server who makes sure your glass is never empty, you have security kicking undesirables out of our space and you can see over the crowd ... especially when there are surprise guests who show up like Wyclef Jean! Yup ... Mr. Haiti himself did an impromptu performance that night! After he hung out in the DJ booth and danced on the floor.
By 4am most of us were ready to head back up to the suite to order room service. Waking up a few hours later to get ready to head to the airport was torture. My body hasn't felt that exhausted in ages. My lungs were clogged up from all of the cigarette and cigar smoke from people in the club. My head felt like a ton of bricks.
It has taken me a week to recover and my lungs are still suffering, but I would like to do it all over again! I had so much fun with my girl friends living high roller style. We are a little older and have less energy, but we are so much more fabulous now!
In the words of one of the girls ... I love The Vegas!
You would think that after 9 trips going back and forth to see each other saying "See you soon ... I love you" would get easier. Well, it doesn't. It gets harder.
The Boyfriend and I are starting to transition out of the Honeymoon Phase and into the Comfortable Phase. The past trips have been about sightseeing and adventures. This trip was about day to day normal life. There is still passion since we go months at a time without having physical contact, but we find simply falling asleep in each other's arms and waking up to each other's kisses can be just as amazing.
This trip we used the weekends to spend quality time with Princess D, playing with Chloe and having dinners with my parents. We spent the week at our company conference ... apart during daily sessions and meeting up during breaks and meals. We lazied around watching movies while cuddling on the sofa. We took Princess D to school and Chloe on walks. For me this was as real to daily life as it gets. And, I loved every minute of it!
Tonight standing in the middle of LAX international check in I found myself unable to let go of him. I wanted to memorize how the smell his cologne mixed with his skin, how strong and secure his hand felt around mine, how our lips molded together when we kissed. These are things I don't get to experience on Skype.
When I was finally able to let go of him, I watched The Boyfriend walk through the winding security line. It was torture being that close to him without being able to actually be with him, but I waited until I could no longer see him. It was then I was able to walk back to my car. Daily life will go back to how it was before ... without him. The one side of my bed is empty with his scent still lingering in the sheets making me miss him even more.
Today marks our 2 year anniversary. A day when we should be together. Instead I am trying to fall asleep in my room while he is trying to sleep in a plane on his way back to the UK. Where ever he is my heart is with him and his heart is here with me ... and that I know is real!
Happy anniversary, honey! I love you. I will see you soon.
When I was getting my bachelors degree in English Lit I fell in love with 19th Century British Literature. The Brontë sisters, Wordsworth, Mary Shelley, Lewis Carroll, and (most of all) Jane Austen. Austen's heroines are timeless to me. They embody intelligence, strength, poise and whit. I would sit on the patio of the beach house I rented with my friends, completely absorbed in Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility. The summer before my last year at university I decided to study in London. I remember one day before my afternoon class, I took a bus into the countryside to Winchester Cathedral to see Jane Austen's grave and on to Chawton to see the home she lived out the last years of her life. I missed the bus going back, but seeing these historical landmarks of an author I cherished fueled my desire to become a writer myself.
The more time I spent in London the more I fell in love with the theatre. It was so affordable for a student to see a show that I found myself going at least once a week to see a performance. Musical, drama, comedy ... it didn't matter. There was a day I was shopping and discovered a small theatre that had a show starting in 15 minutes. I purchased a student ticket and sat down to enjoy Shakespeare's Love's Labour's Lost. By the end of my summer abroad I changed my focus from 19th Century British Literature to theatre.
After I graduated I moved to San Francisco to work in a theatre as an intern production manager and assistant director. For 3 years I worked crazy hours for almost no pay, but I was doing what I loved ... I just wasn't very good at it! Eventually the need for a stable income forced me to join my friends in the corporate world.
I still love reading and going to the theatre whenever I can, but being a full time working, single mom has made it hard for me to sink my nose into a novel or go to the theatre to see a show (which is quite pricey when you aren't either a student or a senior). So, I resort to movies and most of Jane Austen's books have been made into some really good movies! One of my favorites is Emma. Some of you might have seen Gwyneth Paltrow portray Emma, who is one of my favorite Austen heroines. The production of this movie was set during the time the novel was written for. Paltrow got a lot of attention regarding her accurate British accent in this movie. She completely embodied the character.
Most of you have probably seen the movie Clueless, but you probably didn't know that it was based on Emma. The classic production took the British story into modern day Southern California Valley setting. Emma became a "total Betty" who loved to frequent malls and couldn't drive a jeep. As you can imagine the Valley Girl in me totally loves this movie!
A couple of weeks ago Stacey from San Diego Bargain Mama posted an offer of 50% off your ticket and no handling fee to see Emma, A Muscial Romantic Comedy at The Old Globe. You can bet I was intrigued! I have never imagined any Jane Austen novel on stage let alone as a musical.
How could I pass up this fantastic deal? I spoke with Stacey about putting together an sdIRL event. So for the opening night, January 15th, we want to get a bunch of us together for some drinks before enjoying the show. The tickets are selling out quickly for this performance, so get your tickets now! I hope you can join us!
About four years now I have been a very dedicated BlackBerry user. I started with a pretty pink Pearl. When The Boyfriend came into my life I upgraded to the Tour to made communication when I travel to Europe easy. I loved my BlackBerry and thought nothing could compare.
Then this year my beloved BlackBerry started doing very scary things. Software failures. Taking 30+ minutes to boot up. Freezing. None of these were good for my anxiety!
Enter Miss with a new Droid X. She has always shared my love for Blackberry, but then she made the switch and it got me thinking. Like any normal project manager I created my pros and cons list:
I don't play games or download music.
I do live by Google (mail, contacts, calendar, docs, IM).
I don't care for touch screens.
I prefer a QWERTY keyboard.
I use my phone for work and personal.
It was a really hard decision until Motorola introduced the Driod Pro! As soon as I could upgrade my account I made the switch ... Merry Christmas to me!
So far I am impressed! The multiple screens, all of the apps, easy synchronization. There are only a couple of things I am not crazy about: no lanyard loop and crappy ringtones. One I can easily fix with a download. The other ... guess I just have to learn to not drop my mobile!
Recently a close friend of mine told me that she had hinted to her husband about what she wants for Christmas, but she wondered would be strange if she bought it for herself just in case. She would simply stash it away until after Christmas. Then if he got it for her she could simply return it, but if he didn't at least it could be a gift to herself.
This got me thinking ... all my adult life I have been financially independent. Even when I was married I was the breadwinner of the family and most of the time the sole financial support. If I had a soundtrack to my life one song on it would be "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child. The only financial support outside of my own income has come from my parents (but I am paying them back every penny).
If there is anything I really want/need I usually just buy it, so it makes giving me gifts a bit challenging. I don't really like giving hints because historically they are not heard causing frustration. There have been times I tweet something I want, but I don't mean for it to be a hint. My tweet is more of an announcement of "look what I am about to buy!" So the gifts I like to receive the things I would never purchase for myself or gifts that when someone sees something they think "that is SO Nic and I have to get it for her!" I don't care for gifts given out of obligation. Of course I am thankful for everything and anything I receive, but I believe that if you are going to give someone a gift thought, effort and uniqueness should be put into it.
The Boyfriend and I have talked about my view on cards. I prefer hand written letters than a store bought card. From kids I prefer drawings or hand made gifts just for me. It is the thought and effort that counts to me. I need to add that I really do LOVE getting holiday photo cards because these aren't cards that you just buy in a store. There is thought behind the photo(s) featured and effort to create the card. Plus it is just so much fun to see my friend's kid(s) change from year to year!
Do I sound picky and difficult ... maybe. So what would someone like me want for Christmas then? Hand made pictures or cards, photos to frame or pin up, or out of the major gift categories here is what I would really enjoy, but won't buy for myself:
CLOTHES
A Johnny Cupcakes X Hello Kitty t-shirt. I love cupcakes! I love Hello Kitty (I am Asian afterall)! The reason why I would never buy this for myself is that I can't justify spending $40 on a t-shirt even if it is a limited edition!
ELECTRONICS
So many people have Nikons now including my dad and my BFF Miss. Put them all on a table and it is hard to figure out which one belongs to who! But a unique camera strap from My Funky Camera would make that simple. And and extra long strap would make carrying my camera around so much easier. So why don't I just buy one? Because I would rather spend the money on a new lens!
JEWELRY
I don't need any more jewelry, but my a friend of mine saw this and thought of me. She knows me so well! I would totally wear this to tweetups and conferences. It would be a fabulous conversation starter.
SUBSCRIPTIONS
If you know me you know how much I love Disneyland. I am already an annual passholder, so a D23 membership would be a perfect for me.
So tell me, what are you hoping to find under the tree on Christmas morning? Or what did you give yourself?
The "fly by the seat of my pants" concept is so scary to me. In some ways I envy people who can live spontaneously, but the idea of that makes my heart race and my anxiety rise. I feel like if I don't plan then I might miss something. My life is mapped out on 3 Google calendars that is synced to my phone along with my work calendar. I even made a career out of my ability to plan.
If you don't believe me ask Miss. I knew that this past weekend would be the only time I could take Princess D to Disneyland to see the holiday festivities and I didn't want to miss anything. I checked the Disney website to see what they were doing this year. Then I sent her a Google calendar invite with the following plan and map:
CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE:
Santa's Seaside Pavilion (will probably be crowded so I think it should be first)
"a bug's land" (will be decorated for the holidays)
"Believe... in Holiday Magic" Fireworks Show - 8:40
Most people would think I was beyond neurotic, but Miss knows me really well and simply dismisses my planning as the quirky OCD side of me because when it comes down to it if my plan completely derails I either have a back up plan or make the best of the situation. And like most of our Disneyland trips this one did not to go as planned! The day looked more like:
CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE:
Santa's Seaside Pavilion - it wasn't crowded at all
Silly Symphony Swings
"a bug's land" - decorated, but we could have skipped
Cocina Cucamonga Mexican Grill - holiday tamales
DOWNTOWN DISNEY DISTRICT:
Lunch at Ralph Brennan's Jazz Kitchen - the kids food lasted ALL day
Getting toys at Build-A-Bear Workshop
Holiday cupcakes at The Cupcake Store
Riding in the front of the Monorail to Tomorrowland
Wintertime Enchantment Holiday Lighting of Sleeping Beauty's Castle
Chimichanga and corn on the cob from the food cart while we waited an hour for the firework show to start
"Believe... in Holiday Magic" Fireworks Show - 8:40 - which was canceled due to high winds
Enchanted Tiki Room
Pirates of the Caribbean
Also, I forgot that my camera battery was already low and I didn't pack my back up battery. Thank goodness for my Blackberry camera. The quality of the photos are not that great, but at least I captured something.
No matter how many times we have gone to Disneyland (which is at least 12 times a year) we always learn new ways to make the visit better. Next year we will spend the weekend so that we can get up early to get handmade candy canes, take a tour in order to preferred seating for the parade, and make dinner reservations the day before. As for this visit, we might not have been able to do everything I had planned, but we had a great time together and that really is what the day was all about.
I am not a huge fan of your music and I did think the whole show about your marriage did you a disservice, but I always thought of you as my hero when it came to shoe design. If I had the money and people behind me I would design my own shoes too. My shoe line would be filled with embroidered or sequined ballet flats, fabulous wedges that came in different heights, and sexy peep toe sling backs.
I hate shoe shopping because most of the shoes I love I just can't wear. If I could wear 4" stilettos without breaking my ankle or falling on my face I would probably buy every shoe you make. Which is why when I was looking for a pair of close toe wedges that would easily go from work to night I couldn't believe I found a pair of the PERFECT Jessica Simpson shoes. They were perfect enough that I even twitpic'ed them! I told every one who "poo-poo'ed" your shoes saying that you couldn't make a good shoe that they were wrong. Even my daughter loved how they sounded when I walked.
For months I wore these perfect wedges to work so I figured I would take them to Las Vegas. The first night there I wore them until 6am ... walking the strip from hotel to hotel and dancing. But, then the next day my big toes hurt so much I could barely put my shoes on. I figured give them a day or two to feel better. That didn't happen. My toes hurt for a month. And months later they looked like this:
And a month after that photo was taken my big toe nails FELL OFF.
I have always liked my feet. I pamper them a bit. Even during the winter months I get pedicures. I wear flip flops about 75% of the year. Losing my toe nails was horrible, but having them grow back in was worse. My toes looked horrible and one ended up with an ingrown nail that had to be surgically removed. If you haven't had to go through one of these surgeries yet I can honestly tell you that you will never want too ... and you must not be wearing your own shoes.
Over the past months my toe nails have grown back in nicely, but they are still abnormally sensitive. What is still so painful is that I haven't been able to find a pair of wedges that looked as fabulous as yours did. Now every time I see a pair of Jessica Simpson shoes that I like I can't even bring myself to trying them on. As cute as your designs might be I will never again put them on my feet. So, I will continue my search for the perfect pair of wedges and a new shoe designer to look up to.
******************** Click here to learn more about the 30 Days of Truth project.
I was raised in the San Fernando Valley during the 80s when the "valley girl" trend came about. Without even realizing it until I got to university, I had the stereotypical "valley girl" accent. Common words in my vocabulary were (and still are) ...
"like"
"for sure"
"dude"
"rad"
"awesome"
"totally"
After almost 20 years of not living in The Valley, my accent has gotten muddled (especially since I talk to a Brit every day). But, after a couple of glasses of wine you can hear that "valley girl" accent come out. I remember the first time I met The Boyfriend's family his younger cousins were fascinated with my accent because I sounded like I was straight out of a movie like Legally Blonde.
If you get me started on a topic I am passionate about you might have to tell me to slow down. Even my own parents have told me I talk to fast at times, that they can't understand me. I proactively tell clients to warn me if I start talking to fast during presentations. It is this reason I didn't take a job that required public speaking.
To make it worse my voice sounds childish. I can't stand hearing myself recorded. Miss is lucky that I am willing to do vlogs with her for 2 Hot Bloggers + a Bottle of Wine. I have had someone ask me on the phone if "my mommy is home". I don't sound like a mouse, I just sound young. This just adds to people thinking I am much younger than I really am.
Put of these things together ... I have a childish sounding, fast talking Valley Girl accent. It is not a trait I brag about. It is not a trait I get compliments on, like, ever.
I think the one compliment I get most is: "Wow! You don't look thirtysomething!" Most people think I am 10 years younger than I really am. This is one of the main reasons I stopped admitting the second number in my real age. Well, and that it makes it sound like thirtysomething is OLD!
I haven't found the Fountain of Youth, so I guess it is my Asian genes that keeps me looking young. Even my parents look 10 years younger than they really are. We have an olive complexion that tans easily no matter how much sunblock is applied. My skin is oily which sucked when I was a teenager, but is great at preventing wrinkles now!
Unfortunately, if you do look closely at my eyes you might be able to guess my real age. Due to eczema, crying, stress and laughing there are some fine lines starting to appear. As the "windows to my soul" they do tell my story, but I am hell bent on keeping people guessing and I don't ever want to get plastic surgery. So what do I do ...
Recently I started getting monthly facials again. Right out of university I developed adult acne and found the only solution was regular facials. My skin was healthy and almost flawless. Scars were disappearing and break outs became rare. I figured now facials could help with anti-aging and thanks to Transcend Day Spa's $59 Club facials are affordable!
My personal vice is lip gloss. I just can't help myself when I see a pretty color, but I only wear lip gloss going out ... which is only a couple of times a month. I swear by Smith's Rosebud Salve to keep my lips soft and supple every day.
I stick with Mary Kay TimeWise® 3-In-1 Cleanser. My face feels extra clean with the tiniest drop. A bottle will last over 3 months and it is only $18! I also love how the Mary Kay® Medium-Coverage Foundation feels like nothing on my skin. A tube of that stuff will last a full year! I recently met the super sweet Maegan who is now my go to consultant.
The one thing I have struggled with finding is the perfect moisturizer. I used to use Mary Kay which was good and affordable. Then I switched to a Jan Marini lotion which was great and some what expensive. I used to use Pevonia and loved it, but it isn't carried many places so I stopped using it. At the La Costa Spa Social I got a sample of the Pevonia Timeless Repair Cream and since I was out of moisturizer I figured I would try it out. My face has never felt better! Just the smallest drop felt like heaven on my skin. Even my makeup looked smoother! Then I saw the price tag ... $171! My heart is broken over the fact that I would need to take out a loan to afford the perfect moisturizer. So I am back to searching for the almost-perfect moisturizer with much lower price tag. Any suggestions?
I have told very few people about this, but it has plagued me for 20 years. When I was in high school I made the very stupid mistake of losing my virginity to a boy I didn't even really like. My best friend (at the time) and her boyfriend had already "done it" and somehow convinced me that I should too with one of his friends. To this day the memory of that afternoon is so clear. They arranged the whole thing. I remember when the boy dropped me off afterwards he said without an ounce of happiness "I guess we are going out now."
For a couple months the four of us were inseparable. The movies, the mall, school dances … double dates where ever we would go. I thought that this was that high school was all about. Who cared if this boy didn't really like me as long as I had a boyfriend and was popular.
Then something changed. I still don't know what happened to cause it. All I know is that I showed up at school and my "best friend" had told everyone that I was no longer a virgin and at lunch time the boy broke up with me in front of everyone. The next few months were hell. I was teased and bullied. Rumors were made up about me. I didn't know who my real friends were. From that point independence became my only security and did everything I could to just blend in.
Eventually some other high school drama took the focus off of me, but I never really recovered from the bullying and teasing. I remember waking up in the middle of the night about 10 years ago sobbing because I dreamt about when my "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Christmas gift wrapped locker door was defaced with the words "Yes, you are." So many of my problems now stemmed for that time. There are a lot of people who took part in the bullying, but my so called "best friend" was behind it all and to this day I have never forgiven her.
As a parent I worry every day about Princess D being a victim of bullying, or even worse, taking part in bullying someone else. Join me in making an effort to help prevent bullying.
Thank goodness I can multi task considering how much I am willing to take on. In fact, I am sitting in the vets office because Chloe needs her rabies vaccination and to have a bump on her leg looked at while I am typing this post on memo pad on my Blackberry and answering work emails. (So please excuse the typos.)
When I was married you would often find me washing dishes while dinner is cooking and a load of laundry is going. I would entertain Princess D while she sat at my feet sorting out the Tupperware. And my laptop would be sitting on the table at arms reach if a work email came through that needed my attention.
Of course there are times when I need to keep my focus on one thing at a time, like when working with Princess D on her homework or putting her to bed, or while on a call with a client. My world is like an organized chaos and I love that I am able to manage my bad habit with a good one.
Yesterday I got an email from Miss and Anthony asking if I was going to participate in NaBloPoMo this year. My initial response was "ARE YOU CRAZY?" She knows I am already spread so thin between ...
my full time, very demanding job
Princess D's Kindergarten schedule, dance lessons, swim lessons and play dates
trying to find a way to remove the "long distance" from my relationship
volunteering as a room parent and school photographer for Princess D's elementary school
editing photos from the portrait I have been doing on the weekends Princess D is with her dad
training the puppy
writing on this blog, tweeting, updating Facebook, attending Social Media events
Miss suggested that we do the 30 Days of Truth that has been going around the blog-o-sphere. The idea intrigued me and frightened me at the same time, but then I thought that this might be a great way to do some self discovery. Instead of just saying "NO WAY" my little fingers involuntarily typed "I will do it." After I sent my email I thought to myself that there is something totally wrong with me taking on another commitment that I don't have time for.
Then it dawned on me that Day 1 of Truth has just presented itself ... something you hate about yourself.
I am unable to say no to the majority of opportunities that are presented to me. Burning both ends and even on the sides is my MO. This bad habit happens in all aspects of my life. At work I will take on client after client until my boss realizes that I can't take on any more without self imploding. What makes it even harder is that I hate doing anything at least it is with 100% effort.
After analyzing why I developed this bad habit I realized it is because the hours when Princess D is with her dad and The Boyfriend is asleep become lonely and sad, so I fill my calendar or to do list up completely. I have tried to put a stop to this bad habit by saying "NO", but then if I am asked again in a very persuasive way I will more than likely respond with "Yeah, ok, sure." Just like I did with this writing / self discovery challenge.
So Day 1 is done. It is going to be another very busy month!
For the first few days after The Boyfriend went back to the UK I couldn't sleep well. I could not sleep without feeling him against me or his arms wrapped around me. I guess you could call it separation anxiety.
Then came the first of the bad news ....
PLAN B: The Boyfriend's ex-wife will relocate with their son to San Diego. This will allow The Boyfriend and I to get married and start our family.
Was it the bad weather? Was it being intimidated by all of the work it would take for her to get a visa? Did she not like me? Was seeing her son having fun in a family that didn't include her? We will never really know because she has given us every excuse with nothing really solid behind her decision.
Then came more bad news ...
PLAN C: The ex-wife allows their son to live with us so that he can be educated in San Diego. When school is on break he lives with her in the UK.
PLAN D: Their son visits us on his breaks from school in the UK. (She said maybe.)
All of the day dreams we started talking about out loud quickly got replaced by nightmares. My separation anxiety changed to full blown anxiety topped off with depression. Any control I thought I had I no longer have. I have been crying every day no matter how much The Boyfriend tries to convince me that we will get this worked out. Then I realized last night that there is only one thing I could control in this situation ... I could end our relationship.
But, I couldn't even bring myself to write it out. I knew that this option cannot be our list of plans. The heartbreak it would bring would be much worse than the wait for him to move. That realization alone has helped my anxiety and depression subside.
So where do we go from here? Keep focus on our next visit at the end of the year. Stay busy to fill up the lonely hours. Remember what brought us to this point.
Next plan ... try to sleep. Tomorrow could bring more news.
In 1986 my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and in 1991 she lost her battle. She was only 51 years old. I turned thirty-something this year and considering my family history my primary care physician advised me to have a baseline mammogram taken.
Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month I knew it was time to face my fears. I don't really know which scared me more ... the screening process or the results. All of my previous breast exams found nothing odd, so I was pretty confident my scans would come back fine. But I have always been warned about how uncomfortable the mammogram is.
I endured 3 scans per breast. No matter how serene they hospital tried to make the room look the squashing and the pulling was beyond uncomfortable. What was even worse was the technician's freezing cold hands.
After 15 minutes my first mammogram was all done. The next day my scans were ready and showed that my breasts were healthy. I can rest easy for another year.
This weekend I am heading to Las Vegas to celebrate my 30something birthday with my BFF Miss and a few of my favoriteandfabulousfriends. I am really looking forward to some time away (especially from my work laptop) relaxing with some friends (but, wish The Boyfriend was coming too) with no real agenda except for dinner at Yolos on Saturday night. The plan is to do a little drinking, eating, shopping and laying by the pool. We have been planning this trip for months and now that is this weekend I am totally unprepared!
We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and I haven't packed at thing (thanks to work, Princess D's extra curricular activities, Chloe, and everything else I have to get done). Where does one begin to plan what to pack for a weekend in Sin City ... WEATHER!
In the 100s during the day! That rules out sweaters. Sun dresses and flip flops seem like a better choice for the day when not lounging by the pool. Can't forget the bathing suit! Evenings will be jeans with a cute top and heels (but not those gawd awful Jessica Simpson wedges I brought last time). Lounge wear for when in the room and sleeping. Make up, bathroom stuff, hair stuff, jewelry and perfume.
Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.
Oh ... TECHNOLOGY! Pink netbook, DSLR, and Blackberry. Can't forget the batteries and chargers!
For the first time (in a long time) I didn't get into a birthday funk the week before my birthday. For the first time (in a long time) I am actually happy about my birthday. For the first time (in a long time) I want to tell people "Today is my birthday!"
Usually I dread my birthday because the year I was leaving behind did not end up being what I had hoped it would be, and the year I was heading into would already be filled with doubt. I would hope for a birthday that was filled with carefully planned surprises like waking up to breakfast in bed, or a vase full of sterling roses, or pampering at the spa, or a homemade candle light dinner and (of course) the perfect chocolate cake. But, the past few years my birthdays were not like that and I was always disappointed. I hated seeing my age increasing while my stability and security decreased.
Then I was reminded that my birthday is not about my age. My birthday is not about what I didn't or didn't accomplish over the year. How I celebrate my birthday should not depend on someone else to make it happy. It's about celebrating my life!
This past year has been filled with some extreme experiences. My divorce was finalized. I traveled with Princess D for the first time to England on my own. I learned what it means to communicate without fear. I worked harder than ever and discovered what I am worth. I know who I can depend on if I need help and support.
My life has become stable and secure over this past year. I am looking forward to the year ahead of me. It will be the year I get my groove back!
Today is my birthday! (But, I am still not going to tell you how old I really am ...)
